Release

Hello there. So I'm back to this cynical blog...or that is how it seems.

I get angry with people.

I get angry with people when I feel judged.

I am too stressed or say sorry too much. Maybe I need to know these things, but I still get angry. Even if people don't seem to think that the things they say are hurtful, in my mind, these characteristics are bad and make me an unlikeable person.

It is true. Perhaps I could hear these things and change, but sometimes I just want to run. Run and explore. Break free of all of these stereotypes that I know I have put on myself, yet want to do everything to escape. And then I am brought into reality. People still see me that way. I am not what I think I am, and sometimes it is disappointing. Where to go. I want to take the biggest risks. See the biggest sky...that is what I did when I went across the country, and I didn't like myself when I came back. I loved my time there, but it was like I couldn't connect with people when I came back.

I wish that I wanted to love before being loved back. I guess that is why Jesus loved us while we were sinners. I can't do it. I am sorry friends. I AM SORRY FOR BEING INCONSIDERATE, PRETENTIOUS, STRESSED, COMPLAINING. I'M SORRY. Forgive me. I'm letting it go. Jesus love me.

And I've been re-evaluating my relationship with Jesus...I don't want it to be enough that I hear about Jesus' love. I need action and I need to make a decision. Oh, pour over me.